Treating myself to……

A nice hot bubble bath. or at least it would have been if my boiler generated enough hot water for a decent bath. Think I had enough to just about cover my legs and to top that of I could hear the people below me having a piss. Nice way to ruin a relaxing bath. Could be worse. Could have been the husband coming into the bathroom for a shit.

This evening I did something I don’t often do. maybe once or twice a year. I used a facemask. I love the peeling ones. I just like the feeling of it when I peel it off my face. I used a honey one today. Won’t again just because I hate the smell of honey. The product it self it pretty good. It’s made my skin feel so soft and so clean and fresh. I think I am going to have to start doing it weekly. I know you are ideally meant to anyway. So hopefully by me doing this weekly my skin will be better. The facemask used was one that came in a pack of mask brought from Argos.

Another buy

Its nice to see my husband to encourage me to buy more make up, but I do wonder if he gets fed up with me buying more. Anyway I did buy more today but I didn’t spend more then £10.
WP_20160127_22_32_05_Pro[1].jpgThe canvas was from hobbycraft.
Lights were from poundworld.
Mascara and curler from wilkos.
and matte maker powder from Tesco.

All in all good buys I think.

 

 

 

 

 

Today I couldn’t really be bothered with putting on full face makeup so went for eyeliner, mascara and a bit of lipstick. Something simple. Excuse the messy eyebrows, trying to grow them out a bit so I can get them re-shaped.

Wow. Just wow

So yesterday I talked about my make up buys. Well I tired the lip lacquer again today but this time I put a bit of lip balm on first. It helped it to feel less dry which is a good thing, but wow I can’t believe how made the product is. Its a great colour. I love the colour but when you buy a make up product you don’t really want that product to bleed or go patchy. Within in minutes the product had started to bleed and with in about an hour the product had gone patchy. I did take a photo and was going to upload it here but it is so bad I just can’t. My hubby said that it made me look like a whore with facial herpes. That’s how bad it is. It’s a shame really because quite a few people rate MUA products. I’ve not actually tried many. In fact that was the first I had tried. Yeah not impressed. I am hoping not all their products are as bad as that.

Todays Buy

So treated myself a little today. Spent a grand total of around £8. Look at me pushing out the boat there haha. Ok so todays products are
Freedom pro correct palette
Makeup Revolution lipstick shade: The One
MUA Luxe velvet lip lacquer
makeupI’ve tried the lipstick and lip lacquer. Both smell quite nice. The lipstick is great if you want something that’s not in your face or pretty out there. I found that it doesn’t seem to stay on for very long at all. I love the colour and I love how it feels, can’t really complain for £1.
The lip lacquer, love the colour. The problem is within minutes of it being on my lips felt really dry and a little sore. it bleeds pretty badly as well and stains the skin around your lips.

I am going to try the colour correct palette tomorrow. I don’t really know what colour dose what so going to look that up and go from there.
I have an order on the way to superdrug so hoping to pick that up Monday, a few lipsticks and eyebrow stuff. I am tempted to order a colour correction palette and brush set I saw on amazon, may do later in the week.

New Make up

Scrolling through facebook this evening and something caught my eye. A gorgeous shade of lipstick. It’s by Mac by if you are like me you don’t really like spending a lot on yourself, which actually makes this journey harder. Anyway had a quick look on superdrugs website and it looks like MakeUp Revolution do a similar shade,  so guess what I plan on doing tomorrow……Going to superdrugs and finding that shade. I’m hoping it will suit me.
I went into boots today and did their skin match thing. mine came out deeply ivory which seems to be about a shade darker then I though. its for No7 so its hard to tell as I have been using L’Oreal Paris shade 011 vanilla.

Changing the subject. My youngest was looking in the mirror early and I managed to capture this photo. His smile is just perfect.

tom4

You are beautiful!!

 

Ok so my post about my lack of confidence and how I see myself was a hard one for me to write. Anyone who has or is battling a eating disorder will struggle to see themselves how others do. That being said though body issues aren’t always result in eating disorders.
Anyway I was in the car with my husband yesterday, we were listen to wave 105. (A radio station in the Hampshire and Dorset area) It was their evening golden hour, where you had to guess what year they were playing songs from. One song the played I hadn’t listened to in years. I used to listen to it on a bad. The other day was a bad day and I had completely forgot about this song. My mum in law expressed her concerns, she didn’t say she was worried in so many words but you could tell she was concerned that I might stop eating. The day before I had looked at an old photo of myself and just saw this person who in my eyes was fat. I couldn’t help but stare at how big my cheeks were. Anyway back on subject before I get down again. She told me about someone who she works with and what she got like with food. she didn’t want me going down that road.
Anyway listening to this song sometimes makes me feel better about myself. It could have a different meaning to everyone, To me it means that no matter how you look or how you see your self you are beautiful. It maybe hard to believe it some days but you need to try and look at the beauty inside yourself, because you are, you are beautiful. Forget all the negative comments you get. Try and forget all the negative things you see in yourself.

beautiful

Remember when you have a bad day, listen to this song, or listen to one that makes you feel good.

 

Roll on next week

I need to buy more make up oh and some make up storage would be great. Roll on pay day. I have dentist next Monday so might treat myself to some new make up. I am thinking of getting a colour correcting kit. Just a cheap one as its the first time using anything like it. I think Make up Revolution do one. I am loving that brand at the moment. Its cheap compared to most brands and pretty good.
I want to get the dentist over and done with, I chipped one of my back teeth nearly 2 weeks, and its now starting to make eating difficult. It hurts all the time. They can’t put a filling in it as its already had two, so all that’s left really is to take it out. Its a back tooth. Right at the back and getting to it to brush it is hard as I can’t get the tooth brush quite that far back. damn my small mouth.

My journey so far I don’t think is going well. Mainly because I just lack motivation to exercise. I downloaded the FitBit app on my phone. Hubby thought it would be a good idea as it might make me see how little I eat. Well it hasn’t really done that. Its made me more aware of how many calories I am having. For keeping at the same weight it allows just over 1300 calories for food. Now to me that’s not a lot at all. Going on that I have gone over by 14 calories. The app also counts your steps you’ve taken in the day and you can also add exercises you may have done.  It tells you how many calories you have burnt and gives you challenges you can do. I have only been using it 2 days so yet to try all its features. Seems like a pretty good app so far.

Confidence Issues

Please bare with me in this post. It’s hard for me to write it, but i’m hoping by doing so it will make me feel a little better, more in the sense that it will be a weight lifted. I highly doubt I will gain any confidence from this post. I am sorry if this post offends anyone.

Ok so the past few days I have been really struggling with how I look, just thinking about it is making me feel a bit emotional. I am a healthy weight. 7stone 11lbs and 5ft tall well short haha. Even though I know that’s is an ideal weight for my height I can’t help but look at myself and think I need to lose some. I don’t! but its a thought that’s been there a while.
While I was pregnant it never bothered me. I wanted to gain weight but as soon as I hit the 3rd try my weight gain either slowed right down or I stopped gaining. I have never gained more the 16lbs in a pregnancy, and that’s from when I started gaining again after losing weight at the start. If I was to go from  pre-pregnancy weight then I’ve never gained more then 6lbs. Pregnancy has been the only time I wanted to gain weight. I knew it was good for me to because my baby needed me to.
Now I am looked at all the bits I truly hate about my body. I hate my flabby belly, my big love handles and my big butt and thighs. It’s all things that can go with working out but I am struggling to get motivated.

I’ve been thinking about why I could be struggling so much with how my body looks. I guess is started when I was 17. I was anorexic from the age of 14 to 16. Age 17 I had gained the weight I needed to and was healthy again, I had also been dating my now husband a few months. I remember when we were out shopping one afternoon and there was a pretty large lady in front of us (sorry), he turned to me and said “if you ever got that big i’d have to leave you” He says he was joking but when you’ve been anorexic its not something you want to hear. To this day he doesn’t know that that is the reason why I struggle with my self image. I don’t think I could ever tell him.
I thought wearing more make up would make me feel better and it did for a little while. Until I saw people were staring as they walked passed me. Not just a quick look as you would, but a full on stare as they walk past me. Its mostly guys but it makes me feel like I looked stupid. I am still not used to wearing full face make up. I know if I did hubby would not let me leave the house or he would tell me I looked stupid but those thoughts are still there in my head.

I am hoping by writing this post in can look back later on in the year and see how far I have come. I am hoping I will have more confidence and would have come over my problem with how I see myself. I have been struggling with it on and off for 10 years. So to finally not care about how my body looks would be great. It would be more then great. Again I am sorry if this post offends anyone and to end things on a lighter note. I am going to be an aunt again. I have a niece or nephew due the day after my birthday. My youngest sister is having her first baby.

The Aurora band

A few weeks ago I saw a post about the Aurora band. The band is placed around your head and your curl your hair around the band. Now when I saw the results it had given the lady I wanted one. I thought to myself how often would I use it? and ended up stopping myself from getting one. I do that a lot. I could really want something but I’ll guilt myself into not getting it. Anyway as I don’t have a band I thought I’d try the same technic with one of my band t-shirts. My band t-shirts are pretty much men’s shirts. I wear them to bed as I like the bag. Anyway tried it last night and thought yea this may work. It didn’t work!.
The t-shirt kept sliding down my face and it was pretty uncomfortable to sleep in. That got me thinking about how comfy it would be to sleep with the Aurora band in. I think for now I will just stick to curling my hair with curlers.

Blink and you’ll miss it.

I’m hoping I won’t offend anyone, I kinda waffled on a bit in this blog. I wrote today’s post before this little bit.

Our babies grow up so fast. I can not believe my eldest is 3 next month. I’ve started to sort out nursery for him today. I’ve been putting it off just because I needed to know where is was with his speech and his development. He has to have a few more sessions and will need extra help when he starts but just have to wait for all the paper work to get that sorted. I noticed today just how far behind his understanding is today. I asked him to get something for me, he knew what the item was but when I told him it was over there he just started looking round at the floor trying to find this item which was in plain site. I then asked my 1 year old (2 next month) the same thing and he looked round and went straight to it. My 1 year old often asks me if I am ok and when he leaves the room he’ll say “bye, love you.” He seems to understand a lot more then his older brother. It makes me think, Is it something we’ve done to make his understanding skill so far behind. I know he can hear what we say as he dose answer but sometimes he just looks so confused or he gets himself in a state because he is confused. I do think it might have something to do with me having to be induced at 36 weeks with him and the fact that my body failed on him. When my body should have be giving me all the things he needed it started to fail, it started reducing the amount it was giving him as a result starting to starve him.
Wow I went off topic.
Anyway. Phoning nurseries up made me think just how quickly they grow up and actually how much I had missed because of working. Don’t get me wrong I love being a working mum. It makes me feel like I am doing my bit for my little family. Although we are now a family of 5 so not sure that’s classed as little anymore. I missed my second little boy stand up for the first time, I missed him take his first steps. All those things that you get excited to see. Thinking about it what about all the parents  that work full time, (I worked part time) How much do they miss? All those parents on tour fighting for our country, how much do they miss? I think if we really thought about it every moment we spend with our kids we should treasure. There are a lot of people out there who don’t have the chance to spend a lot time with their kids, whether its job related or because of break ups, there are lot of people who haven’t had the chance to feel the love of being a parent even though it is one of the things they want most. I may have missed some things from my kids life but its nothing to what some do miss or never get see.