A pretty good day

I went to my mum in laws today with my boys as we do every Wednesday. We got talking about depression and body dismophier. She told never to go on antidepressants, as all they do is make you tired and sluggish. That’s the last thing you want when you are depressed and have kids to look after. Besides they are a last resort, and I’d rather battle this myself then pump drugs into me that are going to make me tired, sluggish and just not myself. My mum in law also figured that my depression and BDD (body dismophier) could be triggered by the fact the only thing I have control over is my body weight. I can’t have control in my flat we are not aloud to decorate, we can’t have pets of any sort, hang pictures up, its even in are agreement that we are not leave the flat if something like the washing machine is on.
We have what looks like water running down the wall every time we get heavy rain, yet apparently its down to us to sort. I just want out of this flat. I find excuses to get out. Even if there is nothing we need and I only have pennies to my name, I will still try and get out the flat. As a result of the damp and mould to the flat and not being able to make it feel like a home I guess i’m trying to change my body because it is the only thing I can control. Kind of. Ok so I have part control. As mum in law makes sure I eat lunch when I am there and husband makes sure I eat dinner. So really I don’t even have control of that.
At the moment i’m not really selling the whole good day part am I?
I was a good day honest. My mum in law asked to what on thing I liked about myself, and I said waist. I love the fact that my waist goes in nicely, I hate the fact it meets a bulging tummy and love handles. My husband is helping me with this though. He helps to work out most nights.
So what did make today a good day?
The fact that we may have figured out what has triggered my depression and BDD.
And the fact that I found out that there IS actually something I like about my body.
If I can like something about myself then so can you.


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