I’ve been a little quite this week. I guess it’s mainly because I just don’t know what to write about anymore. I keep thinking my blog is boring. Come on who wants to read about someone’s life going down the drain? That’s how it feels at the moment. It feels like I have no control over anything in my life. I tidy my living god knows how many times a day. I find that even if I don’t need to leave the flat i’m finding excuses to leave just so i’m not tidy 4 – 5 times a day. Yes I have kids, Yes they make a mess, they are kids. kids make mess, but I just want to be able to control on thing in my life. It seems the only thing I can control in a medical point of view is my weight. I’ve managed to stay the same weight since having my 3rd son. I want to lose more, but not to the point it makes me ill. I love my family too much for that.
Anyway we are about 4 months into this journey of trying to become a some what yummy mummy, trying to gain confidence in myself.
What have I learnt in them 4 months?
I have depression!
something I have been telling myself for years that I don’t.
I have anxiety!
Something I know nothing about and never thought it would be something i’d suffer with.
I have an eating disorder!
Something I had when I was 13 that I thought I had managed to over come. I have my review from a therapist on Wednesday, an eating disorder was one thing she mentioned, which I will be getting help with.
I have body dysmorphia disorder (BDD) it explains quite a bit about how I feel about myself.
I am hoping now that I know whats is wrong with me I might be able to better myself. Be happy like I used to be. i’m not saying i’m not happy. I am happy. I just mean not having to worry about every little thing.
So in 4 months I have learnt a fair bit about myself. I am hoping in the next 4 months I will have more confidence then I do now.