Things can only get better

The song currently being blurted out from the workmen’s van outside my flat. I don’t mind, it’s gone 9am and its quite a good song to listen to. it really beats all the techno stuff played on a Friday and Saturday evening.
Kinda sounds like they are listening to Wave.fm. It’s a local radio station for Hampshire and Dorset area.
Things can only get better” I do often wonder how true that is. Sometimes it’s hard to believe. I mean there is so much going on at the moment and the whole thing of not knowing what is going on regarding housing doesn’t help. Our land lady has given us our notice and we have to be out by the end of July. She doesn’t  want to do a monthly rolling contract. She knows hubby is joining the forces and knows when he starts, so she has given us an extra on that for the mod to house us. This is just adding to the stress as I don’t know what houses are like where we are going. I don’t know how many are empty. I don’t know if it’s going to be ready for us to move into when we need it.
Can’t you tell there is a lot on my mind at the moment?

To add to the stress my Avon isn’t doing well, the only person that is helping me to break even or just make a pound or two is my step-mum. She did a £72 order this time. If it wasn’t for her orders I wouldn’t even be earning anything at all as would not be meeting minimum sales . This really is not the job to be in when you are stupidly shy, suffer with depression and anxiety and suffer with body dismophier  All because you blame yourself for not being able to get the sales even though you are doing the best you can, and your worried about how people see you.
I really hope I can someday control all these feelings. I would say get over them, but I think that would be the wrong term to use. I don’t think it’s something you can just get over. It takes years of telling yourself you are better then how you see yourself, you are better then how you feel. I wish I could believe that, but at the moment I just don’t.

I looked at myself in the mirror this morning. BIG MISTAKE!! where I am feeling pretty bloated (because of IBS I think) I look like I did when I was about 18 weeks pregnant. Now I know there is a very small chance of me being pregnant. Husband had the snip in February. That’s a point he’s due a test next month. Just to make sure the snip did work.

Sorry I have really rambled on today. But whats better a post that’s short and pretty much pointless reading, or a post that rambles a little and you get an sense of how the poster is feeling?
I know which I prefer.

 

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