It’s been awhile

A lot has happened since my last post. I turned 28 and because of how poor we are at the moment all my husband could do was get me a birthday card from our 3 boys. It was actually quite upsetting that we can’t even afford to get a birthday card. He doesn’t know how much it hurts me, he knows that my depression is partly because of our money situation, but doesn’t realise that the fact that he couldn’t even get a card from him self upset me.
My birthday wasn’t great. We found out that we had to sort out a removal van ourselves after being told that it would be sorted for us. We were due to move 2 days later, So yea a very stressful upsetting birthday.
Luckily my husbands granma managed to sort something out for us even if it was the wrong size van,  can’t complain she helps us so much when we need it. The van we got meant having to do 2 trips to get all our stuff to the new house. Now that’s not so bad if your only moving 30 40 minutes down the road. We were moving 4 hours down the road. That’s 4 hours one way. So hubby didn’t get back till 5am so he didn’t get much sleep as we had to be up to do the rest of the tip run and go get our boys as they stayed over their nanny’s the night before. What should have been a 4 hour drive turned into 6 and a half because of traffic, the car over heating 3 times and having to stop for dinner.
We’ve gone from living 2 minute walk from the sea front, close to a city to living near the country side where the closest city or town you have to drive to. There is a village but I think even that isn’t really walking distance when you have 3 young kids.
We have a little shop across the road so it’s not all that bad, a  fairly big park around the coroner and a indoor play area behind the shops. I’ve met a few people who like me are quite shy, so this helps me a little. One lady I have been talking to who I have met a few times also suffers with depression and anxiety and also has 3 under 3. a 3 years old and a set of twins who have just turned 2.
I went to the doctor in my new area last week to get help with my depression and other mental health issues, and I have to started the whole getting help process again. In the mean time there are a few groups that help people like me and I have someone coming over Monday for a chat. Basically they just sit there and listen and help in anyway they can while I wait to be seen by a therapist or councillor. Trying to explain what they do without saying who they are is actually quite hard. If I said who they are then it would give the game away to what my husband dose and with recent events not such a good idea.
I’ve been feeling low about myself again it doesn’t help I’ve been pretty bloated and my IBS has flared up and that makes me feel pretty ugly in it self. I do wonder if it would be worth me writing my feelings down for when I do start therapy. kinda like a mood dairy I guess. Maybe it would help them to help me a bit quicker, At least that way I won’t be taking up too much of their time. What if someone else needs it more then I do. I know I am an emotional wreck at times and my depression is just getting on top of me but there is always someone who’s worse off them me. Isn’t there?
Oh how could I forget, my baby sister had her baby boy shortly after we moved, we went back down the weekend after so we could meet him. He was adorable. I have a friend who at this very moment is in the middle of her induction for her labour. Almost seems as slow as mine, but for after 14 hours my baby was just getting distress so ended up having a section. I am really hoping that that’s not how it’s going to end for her.
Wow sorry wasn’t expecting to writing so much. If you stuck around to read all that thank you. It means a lot to have someone sit there and actually read the stuff I writing even if it is me talking a load of rubbish.