Too early for this?

I have been on meds since Friday and the last 2 days I haven’t felt as down as I have been. Odd seeing the fact my husband is leaving me. I have had a few side effects from the meds. Feeling sick and dizzy. Currently my legs is twitching not sure is a side effect though as they felt a little like jelly a few moments ago.

They say it usually takes 2 to 3 weeks for meds to start working. Some will see a quicker result then others. Some with have to try a number of different ones before finding the right one for them. I’m not sure my mood is a result of the meds or a results of maybe accepting the fact my husband no longer wants to be with me. It still hurts very much so don’t get me wrong. He has someone to go to, I don’t. I don’t find it easy to meet people as it is so finding someone who will be there to take care of me at my worse is going to be hard.

I had a doctors appointment this morning just to see how I am coping with everything and how I am doing so far on the meds. To get to my doctors I have to show ID as I live on a base. The guy I had to show my ID to had the most piercing blue eyes, I love blue eyes. He had a cute smile too, Well was cute all over really.
You are probably thinking, is it not too soon to be seeing others that way?
Well yea it kinda is but the way I see it is that the soon to be ex husband pretty much has someone lined up so there is no harm in me looking. Besides I saw him eye me up and take a double look, surprising really because I had no make up on and it was fairly windy so my hair was a mess, so I pretty much looked a mess. I don’t know, seeing him in the corner of my eyes taking a double look at me, him smiling at me like he did I guess made me feel a bit better about myself. If you have read previous posts from me you’ll know I suffer quite badly with confidence issues. I’ll never see him, well chances are slim and even if I did nothing would ever happen, my ID says I am married, but on hand I am left handed and show everything with my left hand. What am I thinking? It’s too early to be thinking about this. I just don’t want to be alone. I’ve never lived on my own before so it’s a whole new world to me.

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It’s so hard

 

He says he understands, I really don’t think he dose, he said he’ll be more helpful, ummm that’s not really happened. He talks about her everyday and expects me to be ok with it. He asked me today how long he should wait before going out with her. 3 months he said!! 3 months I might not have even been housed.¬† I’m still struggling to eat. Today I managed a few chips from burger king, a cream egg and a chicken nugget. I know I wanted to lose weight but this wasn’t the way I wanted to lose it. My heart breaks every time they talk.

Going to burst!!!

Ahhhhh, need to rant. Sorry maybe a long one.
New years eve my husband ended our marriage. We have been together 11 years. Married for 6. He told me he just doesn’t love me that way anymore.
New years day he tells me he kissed another girl.
He cheated on me, knowing how bad my depression has got, knowing I have low self-esteem, knowing he promised me nothing had happened!
He spends most of his time on his phone. 90% of that he is on his phone to her. Talking to her on messenger. He is currently¬† up stairs talking to her now. Has been for about 40 minutes. As far as his parents know we are trying to give our marriage another go. There is NO trying on his part, he doesn’t want us to work. I on the other hand do.
I feel like I need him, despite him putting me down when I feel good about myself (that’s never his intension he just doesn’t think) Despite him saying he’ll do things and then doesn’t has still hasn’t 2 days later and most of the time longer then that. He is all I have ever known. Come on I have been with him since I was 17.

I don’t think it would hurt so much if he wasn’t still talking to the girl he cheated on me with day in day out. Or if he hadn’t kept lieing to me about doing something with her.

On a good note though, I told my brother about the spilt and he’s going to help me with getting things I need for the new home, when I get a new home. Should be in the next 3 months as have a few charities helping me once the ball gets rolling. The husband will have moved out by the end of the month. I’m just thankful this is not a messy spilt.